I spend more time in coffee shops these days. It’s sad, because I used to make fun of what I’m becoming. I simply could not make sense of how people could bring themselves to spend 5 hours typing on their Macbook, pretend-reading their textbook, or sipping a cup of coffee. They were, I concluded, doing absolutely nothing. Then it finally hit me. If I too want to avoid doing any actual work, I should just head over to the local shop, grab the best table, and order the cheapest item on the menu. Check, check, and check. It’s happening a lot these days. Good timing, seeing as I’m in school and all. But the extra time spent with baristas is not without some value.
I’ve begun to notice the artwork covering coffee shop walls. This artwork, I presume, is created by local painters, who have partnered with coffee shops to promote and distribute their masterpieces. The quality of the artwork is of no consequence to an unrefined cretin such as me. What interests me is that the artwork itself has prices on it. Exorbitant prices. Now, I won’t restart the age-old discussion of how one can legitimately value colored smudges on a canvass, but I will say, if those no-talent hacks can put high dollar value on their garbage, than I can most certainly put high dollar value on mine.
And hence we come to the point of this post.
Inspired by the revenue model employed by local painters, I will now place dollar values at the bottom of each of my posts. While other bloggers attempt to make money off their cyber-presence by offering ad space, I will make money by charging people for exclusive-rights access to my utter genius. Confused? Allow me to explain: If you feel sufficiently impressed OR think what I wrote is so retarded that you don’t want anyone else exposed to it, all you have to do is pay me the amount listed at the bottom of the post, and I will delete the steaming pile of shit I just wrote, and send you the only remaining copy of the post in a mahogany frame. You pay for shipping. And the frame. And I promise, I’m not using this revenue model because there’s currently no interest in advertising on this internet presence. I’m taking this tact because it’s revolutionary.
Ashley, you can thank me later.
This little slice of genius: $1500
2 comments:
Mahogany does not match my decor. Do your frames come in maple?
Maple can be arranged, but I was told by my 4th grade art teacher that it doesn't compliment the color of crap quite like Mahogany does. So you should consider that before making an order change.
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