In addition to drawing clever things on Post-it Notes, you can improve your office life by bringing things to your desk and leaving them there. Plants, for instance, are a good addition to an office devoid of life. The only nagging quality about plants is that some of them need water, or they will give up and stop trying so hard to be beautiful. This is displeasing. That is why I buy cactus plants. I have had a miniature cactus at my office for over two years and I think I watered it once when I first bought it. Yet, it's still alive. Or if it wasn't, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to tell anyway.
Cactus plants in particular are great because their natural environment is harsh and unforgiving, like your ex-girlfriends. In other words, they are able to subsist on very little, which means that you don't have to feed, water, nurture or even really acknowledge them. Which is why they are light years ahead of children. The only adjustment you will have to make to bring a cactus into your life is to turn the thermostat up to 93 degrees (at least) in order to simulate the cactus' natural environment (desert). Hopefully your co-workers will realize your commitment to all forms of life and cooperate with the change.
They are also prickly, which is useful if people try to steal them from your desk because they will walk away crying and full of needles. This gives the cactus a sense of triumph and satisfaction. In fact when I picked it up at the store today to look at it it pricked me which is probably why I bought another cactus in the first place. You know, because when people and houseplants insult you, you tend to seek their approval even more than you did in the first place.
Another good way to enjoy your job even more than you do now is to spend lots of time making and drinking teas. Tea doesn't really do anything for you, it's kind of expensive, and it can't be substituted for food. But there are so many kinds of teas! I encourage you to try them all. It's interesting to note that every time you buy a box of tea, a British person instantly appears. I get most of my exercise walking to and from the microwave to make tea. For example, yesterday I spent so much time making tea that I didn't even have time to drink it or to read my emails.
I drink a lot of English Breakfast tea at work, which tastes like dirt. I'm not sure why I would drink something so often that tastes a lot like dirt, other than it is something to do and doesn't make me fall down the stairs at the end of the night.
Another thing you can do to make your daily environment more aesthetically pleasing is to have your neices, nephews, or any small child that you don't really know draw pictures of you doing funny things, like attempting an armed robbery or cheating on your taxes (any child will do, they all have roughly the same underdeveloped and pitiful art skills) to put up on your office walls.
I hope you find these tips useful and that they help to brighten your day. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go to the store because I've found myself out of tea.
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