What really goes on at the YMCA after hours?

If you answered "wild late-night drinking parties with celebrities" you are right! When swimming in the YMCA pool, you can look forward to things like being slapped across the face by someone absentmindedly doing the backstroke or "accidentally" being groped by an overweight middle-aged man in the lane next to you. Equally as often, you will swim directly into something you did not expect to find in an indoor pool (ranging from a shoe to something marginally smaller than a petroleum tanker). This morning I found myself fearfully swatting away what I believed to be a jellyfish or small seal. It turned out to be a Solo cup and cocktail straw. Which can only mean one thing; the YMCA hosts crazy pool parties after closing. What else could explain the bottle of Stolichnaya I swam into next? I understand the allure of pool parties, but -- and this might make me sound like a snob -- the basement of a YMCA might not be my first choice. On the other hand, I'm disappointed I wasn't invited. Maybe if I would have splurged for the additional member fee I could have met Orlando Bloom drinking a strawberry daiquiri poolside.