Not LOL

Disclaimer: Eat me.

In my opinion, our world has been dumbed down by emoticons and internet acronyms. There’s only a few I find acceptable. Here is a complete list:

Emoticons:
:-\

Acronyms:
NTTAWWT

I have a particular issue with “LOL” (laugh out loud) because I’m positive 95% of the time the person excitedly typing it is not actually “laughing out loud.” You see, it's bullshit. Besides, why type “LOL” when you can simply type “ha” or “haha” or “hahaha”. The root “ha” can be used to indicate multiple levels of hilarity. My definitions are as follows:

“Ha” = Worthy of a snicker, and mildly entertaining. Like something you’d hear from a bum on the street.

“Haha” = Entertaining, because the comment eliciting my “haha” response likely came at the expense of a third party. Think of Neslon Munz laughing at someone in an episode of The Simpsons.

“Hahaha” = Genuinely funny, and very likely at your own expense, because you’ve just made fun of yourself. I like laughing at you, not with you.

“Hahaha(any number of additional “ha’s”)” = More than three consecutive “Ha’s” should fill you with pride, as it’s likely your joke would have passed for an actual laugh-out-loud moment had you actually been surrounded by people rather than being anti-social and on the internet.

Bonus:

“Fuck off” = genuinely funny, probably true, and definitely at my expense.

So next time you think to write “LOL” ask yourself if you’re actually laughing out loud. Because if you’re not than you’re just being dishonest. Prick.